Over the past two years my life has seen many changes. One of the more glaring change that I see in myself has meant the most to me and my overall well being.
Around 2005 on into 2008 my life was centered with acquiring material wealth. Land, new house, new $40K truck, thousands of dollars worth of aftermarket things for said truck, paintings, clothes, eating out, partying, anything that filled the material void I was feeling at the moment. Life looked good but didn't always feel so good. In fact I felt empty, nothing I could buy would permanently fill that void, only gave me temporary satisfaction. The more I felt this void, the more I bought.
Then in 2008 trouble had found it's man. Stretched thin from all the spending I felt stressed and burdened with bills mounting. Along with the piling debt, being sucked into an all time low, I needed to spend more for the temporary relief to get the monkey off my back. Later that year the final nail was driven when I hurt my back at work. This sent me into a downward spiral. Not only was I suffering financially, now my health physically was waging a war on my mental health as well.
Relationships with friends, family, and loved ones took a nosedive as I receded within my own pity. Not wanting to burden others with my problems, I walled myself off to the outside world. It was just me and my possessions. It was an empty feeling. Not wanting to share my new found place in life, and with no faith, I only sunk deeper.
Following back surgery I made many tough decisions on my finances. At that time I had little choice in the matter. It was a weight pulling me under but I wasn't ready to drown. I decided to cut the rope, walk away from everything I thought I valued, and start over.
A man's ego is an understated idea. We're taught from childhood to be tough, to be winners, and never give up. It's imbedded in our brain so deep that you would think it's part of our DNA. I felt defeated and less of a man for my flawed logic. I felt that everything I had worked so hard for I had lost to arrogance of only wanting more. Despite losing everything, I gained something instead.
After emerging through the fog of self doubt, embarrassment, and loss, I slowly gained a new perspective. Human relationships are far more valuable than possessions.
It sounds cliche, I know. But a friendship, a conversation, a laughter, a secret told in trust, a hug, a smile, as well as many more things have touched my heart and brought more happiness than anything I've ever spent money on.
Just over the past year I've met more new friends, spent more time with old friends, and joined more activities than I've ever done in my past 30 years. I've laughed more, smiled more, and truly enjoyed life and it's endless possibilities. I've grown as a person in leaps and bounds, opened my mind to new things, new ideas. In a funny way I feel wide eyed like a teenager again to a world full of new experiences. Every corner awaits something new.
As great as it sounds there are lull moments like the daily grind of work but even in these moments there's possibilities of meeting new people, new laughs, new directions. Life and it's events are mysterious again and that's how I like it.
I've been blessed with a new start, be it through God's design or through my own free will. I've been blessed with great friends, new friends, my health, an optimistic outlook, and love from all. I have no enemies, nobody that should harbor bad feelings towards me, and despite some loose plans I hold for my future, I feel content with who I am as a person.
You never own stuff, stuff owns you. They cannot bring happiness, and you will never learn that entirely until you're forced to lose everything. You can live without them however, but without friendship, family, and love from others you'll never truely live.
I was reading a book the other day and read a few lines that stuck out to me. It said, "When a baby comes into the world, it's hands are clenched because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything as to say, the whole world is mine. But when an old person dies, they die with their hands open because they have learned their lesson. The lesson is that we can take nothing with us."
Ponder that for a moment. On your deathbed what will comfort you the most?The fact you've acquired more possessions or acquired and given more love to others? I choose the latter.
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