Letting Go

I've been having a bit of difficulty over the past eleven months letting go of something that no longer belonged to me. I fought with an intensity to keep someone in my life that you only see in the movies these days. Of course in the movies, the guy always gets the girl, end credits roll, and all is right in the world. The real world not so much. The harder I fought, the further I pushed this person away. It pains me to know that in my well intentioned actions, I caused more harm to the relationship than if I had simply remained silent. I've never been that guy, the guy who refuses to let go, the guy who lives in the past, until now. I think it's because that person made such an impact in my life at the time they came into my life. With the loss of the relationship, the impact followed by teaching me many important lessons about a relationship, making me look further than my own interests and self. I wanted to apply those lessons, rekindle a second chance, but the moment would not pass, I would not get my wishes. This leaves a hole in my heart knowing that I made foolish mistakes that I'm now above these days. It's a burden to know that the person didn't receive the best of me, the best of what I could offer. It's been tough, no doubt. Over these months I've panicked and made phone calls, sent emails, and texts when something crossed my mind. I felt like my heart would burst if I didn't relay these things when they crossed my mind. I see now that it's been foolish on my part to burden her with such things. It's been a burden to my heart as well by not giving it the proper healing process. Over these long months I've found religion. It hasn't held me completely up at times but it's almost like an imaginary couch to lay on and express my hopes, doubts, and fears. I've prayed for guidance and help in my weaker moments. I lean on friends at times too although they might not quite know it. I feel better when I surround myself with them so I don't feel quite so alone. In their unknowing presence, I love and cherish them for this. I was in one of my roller coaster moments tonight when I chose to tell my friend Stefanie about some of my troubled thoughts. She told me that someone had sent her something recently and said it was ironic that I was dealing with such things at the same moment. Irony is my thing. My life is walking irony. Now, I usually don't take much from forwarded emails, written by some unknown person, and sent to everyone, only to be sent to everyone else. Since she suggested reading it, I listened. I'm getting better at that BTW. What follows hit me like a ton of bricks because it rings so simple, yet so true. I really needed it at my time of weakness. Read it, think about it, and enjoy...


LETTING GO

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.....LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge..... LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents....LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.... ...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to.......LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

Panicked Thoughts

Here I sit in the dead of night
While others are asleep
I'm twisted and bound tight
Lying again
Telling myself it will all be okay
Jumbled words
So many things I wanted to say
I pushed the envelope too far yet again
Lost my lover
Lost my friend
Holding on to something so tightly
Scared to let it go
My inner emotions have now hit
An all-time low
Like smacking my head face first
Into an unmovable brick wall
In agony
I will crawl
It hurts
As if forced to crawl on broken glass
Tears me to shreds
I'm hoping this pain won't last
Walking around confused
Always seem to be lost
My love you refused
My past you tossed
Now I'm forced to walk alone
Against the crowd
Wishing to find my heart a home
Wishing I could figure all this out somehow
Where do I turn
What do I do
Do I wait for my chance
To meet someone new
Do I make my own road
Blaze my own path
Do I sit back and cry
Or fake a few laughs
I have become something I never thought I would be
I've become alone and humbled
This wasn't the life for me
I pray to God
I beg for another shot
I feel like I'm being taught a lesson
Love is fragile
Never meant to be dropped
At times it feels like a knife
Being twisted in my gut
Makes me panic
Puts me deeper in a rut
Things like this aren't meant to be said
To an open crowd
Not caring if anyone's listening
I would shout it out loud
I guess I'll wait for love
Be in mind not patiently
I see it around every corner
Just beyond the grasp of me
Turning me in circles
Keeping me lost
It's a maddening cycle
But to love
It has it's cost

Drift

I watch from afar as you drift
You barely make it through day to day
Your insecurities and your needs
Not a word of this you dare say
In doing so you fear
You might signal defeat
It stays locked away until the night
When your pillow and head finally meet
As you lie awake
Your head swims in your doubts
Questioning yourself repeatedly
When and where it all went wrong
Wondering what this life is all about
You struggle with these fears
Until you're resigned to your sleep
Only for it to return again
When your face and mirror meet
You can see it in your eyes
You fear others might know
You wear a mask of pride
Careful of what you might let show
I watch from afar as you drift
You barely make it through day to day
Your insecurities and your needs
Not a word of this you dare say
If only I could find the words
For you to let down your guard
Show you all these things
Show you that life shouldn't be so hard
The human condition is not meant
To be faced all alone
It flourishes only
When love has found it's home
Your pride will deceive you
Let you down each and every time
Wish I could wrap my arms around you
And call you all mine
Until then I will watch from afar as you drift
Just making it through each day
Hiding your insecurities and your needs
Wishing I could take them all away